Beyond Resilience: the UnFragile Girl
Presenter:
Leonard Sax, MD, PhD
Author of Girls
on the Edge
Why are so many kids today so fragile?
Why
are girls today 400% more likely to be anxious and/or depressed, compared with
girls from the same neighborhood, 30
years ago? How have other independent girls’ schools changed their school
culture to help their girls to become antifragile?
How is “antifragile” different from “resilient” – and why does the difference
matter? Why is “resilience” not quite the right objective?
I sometimes begin the workshop with a cover story from
Maclean’s magazine, September 2012, about students who were successful,
doing well in school, had lots of friends, but who then fell apart – became
severely depressed, or even committed suicide – on very short notice, with seemingly
little provocation. Most of the students are young women. The article asks the
question: Why are so many good kids from good families falling apart?
Here’s the link to the story: http://www2.macleans.ca/2012/09/05/the-broken-generation/.
(Maclean’s is the most popular news magazine in Canada.)
We
then cut to Nassim Taleb’s recent book Antifragile. Taleb defines
fragility as sensitivity to volatility. If that definition is valid –
and I think it is – then one reason that so many students today are so fragile
might be because their parents shield
them from volatility and uncertainty. The remedy, then, is to expose kids
to more volatility, within constraints: you don’t want your child to be run
over by a truck or abducted by strangers.
For example, consider the choice of a summer job. Thirty years ago, many of us
who were teenagers back then took a summer job doing unskilled labor, waiting
tables or washing dishes. Today, many parents encourage their teenage daughters
and sons to take unpaid summer internships with prestigious companies, or to do
some sort of academic summer camp so as to be better-prepared for the fall. I
will present evidence that the summer job waiting tables at an average
restaurant may be better preparation for real life. Having crabby customers
yell at you, and being yelled at by a boss who doesn’t care about your
feelings, is exactly the exposure to volatility which Taleb prescribes
in order to become antifragile. (Being antifragile is NOT the same thing as
being resilient, as Taleb emphasizes and as I explain.)
At
this point in the presentation, I suggest that many parents today are confused
about the role of the parent in the modern world. Many
parents today seem to think that their job is to ensure their child’s success,
to be the relentless advocate of their child’s welfare. If their daughter
doesn’t get a good mark on her paper, or if their son doesn’t make the team,
then such a parent may pick up the telephone to complain to the teacher or to
the coach. Such parents misunderstand their role. They greatly undermine their
own daughter or son by taking such actions. Students must come to see failure
and disappointment as an opportunity for growth and for new learning. But if
the parent intervenes whenever the student experiences failure or
disappointment, with the parent acting as the righteous prosecutor and the
child as victim, then the opportunity for growth is lost – regardless of the
outcome of the parent’s intervention. So the second half of this talk is about
what is required to help children and teenagers develop the characteristic
which Taleb describes as “antifragile”, and how that’s different from
robustness and resilience.
More information about me –
my background, my education, my experience as a physician and a psychologist,
the previous schools where I have led workshops, and other training workshops I
offer – is available at www.leonardsax.com.
I hope to hear from you!
Please call 610 296 2821 between 9 AM and 4 PM Eastern Time, or send email to leonardsax@prodigy.net with copies
please to mcrcad@verizon.net and to unfragile@outlook.com. If you don’t get
a prompt reply to your email (within 48 hours), please call – not all emails
get through.
Leonard Sax MD PhD
64 East Uwchlan Ave, #259
Exton PA 19341
Telephone: 610 296 2821
Comments from attendees at my
presentations
“Everybody at Merchiston commented favourably on Dr. Sax’s sessions
yesterday. He is impressive and
knowledgeable across so many fields.
Every assertion was backed up with evidence. We would love to have him back at Merchiston
for seven to ten days. I learned a huge
amount and so did everybody else. Of all the presentations we have had in my
years at Merchiston, Dr. Sax’s was by far and away the most impressive.”
Andrew Hunter, Headmaster,
Merchiston Castle School, Edinburgh, Scotland
“A great day. Wonderful presentations. . .
the parents and staff were overwhelmingly enthusiastic.”
Christine Jenkins, Principal, Korowa Anglican Girls’
School, Melbourne, Australia
“Dr. Sax is the Al Gore of the
gender crisis. He has EDUCATED us about
the nature and scope of the problem. He
has WARNED us about the consequences of doing nothing. And he has INSPIRED us to take action in our
schools and in our communities.”
Michael Halfin, Huron Heights Secondary
School, Newmarket, Ontario
“Of all the sessions I attended,
Dr. Sax’s was the only one which gave me concrete information I could use in
the classroom.”
Daren Starnes, Chair, Department of
Mathematics, Lawrenceville Academy, New Jersey
“What an impressive evening! We have never before been to an event where
600 folks sat, spellbound for two and a half hours, laughing every 3 minutes
and uttering ‘Wow’ every 5.”
Steven Masters, Saltus School, Hamilton,
Bermuda
“I stayed up past midnight
talking with my colleagues about what I heard at Dr. Sax’s presentation
earlier that day. His talk was brilliant
and inspiring. I confess to feeling a
poverty of words in trying to convey how much I enjoyed hearing Dr. Sax and how
much I appreciate what he is doing.”
Gerald Grossman, Head, Woodlands Academy
of the Sacred Heart, Lake Forest, Illinois
“Dr. Sax gave a fabulous presentation at the Niagara Principals’
conference. My colleagues are still all
aglow with what they heard and have purchased more than 200 of his books
through a local provider – I know, because I arranged the sale. We would very much like to have him back.”
Gary King, vice principal, Lakeview Public
School, Grimsby, Ontario
“I have been providing professional
development programs for educators in St. Louis for nine years and no one comes
close to Dr. Sax in style or content. I
can’t tell you how informative Dr. Sax’s session was for me. I hope I will have the opportunity to listen
to Dr. Sax again.”
Genie Newport, Director, Independent Schools of St.
Louis
“I am usually pessimistic about learning anything useful at the
workshops required by our school district.
It was a stroke of luck that I attended Dr. Sax’s session. What was so rewarding in his presentation was
that it helped me to understand why some things have worked well for me in the
classroom while others have not. I now
see the behavior of my students in a new way.”
Jonathan Lind, Sudley Elementary School,
Manassas, Virginia
“Dr. Sax gave a fabulous presentation to our parents last evening.
Awesome. This was the biggest crowd
we’ve ever been able to attract for a speaker, and Dr. Sax graciously stayed
well beyond his contracted time to accommodate all. His insights, all thoroughly supported by
research, were at times mind-blowing, and his sense of humor just added to a
totally enjoyable night.”
Linda D’Orlando, West Windsor – Plainsboro
Public Schools, New Jersey
“I was profoundly impressed by
the information which Dr. Sax shared with us.
I also appreciated his style of presentation: a logical sequence of ideas supported by
compelling evidence.
An excellent presentation.”
Don Comeau, Clear Water Academy, Calgary,
Alberta
“The thing I find so gratifying
in listening to Dr. Sax is that he provides evidence, hard science, to support
the points he’s making. That’s rare in
my experience, when speakers talk about gender.”
David Lloyd, The Webb Schools, Claremont,
California
My three books Why Gender Matters, Boys Adrift, and Girls on the Edge:
Why Gender
Matters “. . . is a
lucid guide to male and female brain differences.”
New
York Times
Boys Adrift “. . . is powerfully
and persuasively presented. . . Excellent and informative references and
information are provided.”
Journal
of the American Medical Association
Boys Adrift: “A must-read
for any parent of boys. This is real
science, and Dr. Sax thoroughly uncovers the important health issues that
parents of boys need to be tuned into.”
Dr.
Mehmet Oz, host of “The Dr. Oz Show”
Boys Adrift: “I know
someone who knows what to do [about bullying and cyberbullying]. His name is Dr. Leonard Sax. . . [Boys Adrift] is informative and
eminently readable. . .I strongly recommend that you read Boys Adrift.”
Fr.
Robert Barron, from his video at “Word
on Fire”, also a similar comment in his essay on the movie “Bully” at wordonfire.org
Girls on the
Edge: “This is essential reading for parents and
teachers, and one of the most thought-provoking books on teen development
available.”
Library
Journal
“Packed with concrete suggestions for parents, Girls on the Edge is a treasure trove of rarely-seen research on girls.
Dr. Sax’s commitment to girls’ success comes through on every page.”
Rachel
Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out and The Curse of the Good Girl
Girls on the
Edge: “The best book about the current state of
girls and young women. . . offers astonishing and troubling new insight . . .”
The Atlantic
“Until recently, there have been two groups of people: those
who argue sex differences are innate and should be embraced and those who
insist that they are learned and should be eliminated. Sax is one of the few in
the middle -- convinced that boys and girls are innately different and that we
must change the environment so differences don't become limitations."
TIME Magazine